It’s been a while since I wrote anything here. Honestly, that was on purpose. There is someone out there who was using everything I wrote here against the family and following my blogs in hopes of gleaning information about a few family members.
**To that person, you know who you are: The family members you want info on, I no longer talk to. It’s a long story and I will NOT post it here, but suffice to say, there will be nothing you can use against them posted here. So feel free to lose my URL. Thanks. **
It’s that time of year. The time of year when I hit the depression spiral. The 24th anniversary of my first angelday was yesterday. Christmas was rough this year. It just snuck up on me. I feel like I had nothing ready, and I let down the fam. Even though my brain knows that is not true, and the kids – lol, “kids” they are all adults now. 23,21,and 19. Sidebar: when the hell did that happen??? When they grow up? When I did I get old enough to have grown kids??? — anyway, the kids had a good Christmas, and got what they wanted/needed.
Our oldest surprised us this year. He did his own Christmas shopping for pretty much the first time ever, and he really put some thought into the gifts he got everyone. He got me a “blanket hoodie” cuz I am always struggling with being cold. I haven’t been cold since Christmas. I love this thing. Our younger two went in on a gift for me this year, and had their brother get it on his Amazon account so I wouldn’t see it. They gave me the gift of nostalgia. They got a record player and the John Denver and the Muppets Christmas album, cuz every year I play the album on Spotify, and talk about how it was my Dad’s favorite album. I legit almost cried when my son put the album on Christmas night.
Healthwise, I’m still a train-wreck. When I last wrote, I had so much hope that Rhuematology would help me. Sigh. What a fool I am sometimes. Because my military doctors all looked my xrays and declared that other than “mild arthritis” I was fine, and I just need to lose weight – I fought the system to be placed in civilian care. Yes, this means my medical care went from free to $$ for every visit, but the hope was that I could find someone out there willing to listen to me, and not just push bariatric surgery. My civilian doc sent me to rheumatology. Rheumatology sent me an MRI of my back, cuz at that point I was on a nerve blocker and could still barely move. The back MRI showed a few herniated discs, a pinched nerve, disc degeneration, and arthritis. They also saw some strangeness in my kidneys.
After all that, Rhuema said that -shocker – it’s not a rheumatoid arthritis, so it must be a really aggressive form of osteoarthritis. Nothing much they can do, they sent me to urology to check out that kidney thing, and pain management. Of course, by the time I was seen by pain management it was July, and the arthritis pain was almost non-existent in the summer warmth. So they did nothing for me and told me to come back in the winter when everything hurts again.
Meanwhile – Urology did an MRI and CAT scan of my kidneys. There are the normal cysts that aren’t ever an issue, but there was a teeny tiny mass, barely over a centimeter. He said don’t sweat it, they don’t worry about these things unless they grow to be more than 4 CM. So come back in 6 months for another MRI to see if it’s growing. That happens in March. The scans showed a small hiatal hernia (which explains the acid reflux), and a small “fat-containing” umbilical hernia, which no one is all that worried about. Yet.
On top of all that, I’ve started having problems with high blood pressure – an indicator of the Hypertrophic Myopathy that killed my dad. So I cut way back on the salt, am now on blood pressure meds – which don’t seem to be working that well. So I’m scheduled to be seen by cardiology. Johns Hopkins has some of the best HCM doctors in the area, and I was screened there before after my dad passed. I’m supposed to get screened every 5 years, so I’m well-overdue for another HCM screening. Problem is, I scheduled this in June, and the earliest they had for me was January – and it’s not even a screening. It’s an appointment with a Cardiologist who will decide if I need a screening. Sigh.
I did get into pain management this past month, and the Doctor there decided to try a med that is normally an anti-depressant but has some pain-relieving side effects. If it works, I could have less pain, and this med might even give me the illusion of more energy. BUT — Since I’m already on one anti-depressant, I’ve been told to be very careful with this new med, and if it seems like I’m getting confused, or my blood pressure spikes, or I start hallucinating, stop the new med immediately. So, I’m in for a fun ride.
So while I wait for all that, my labs say I’m healthy. I’m like an old car – the engine runs great, the body is falling apart. We often joke that I have the mind of a 40-something in the body of a 70-something.
The job is going great. I pretty much took on the Trump Legal beat. Following all his court cases is almost a full-time job all in itself. Check out the Last Week In Legal series at Chapter & Verse if you feel like it. the TLDR: Trump is screwed. He’s going to be found guilty in a few of the courts, and honestly, I don’t think he has the funds to keep paying these legal bills. As it is, his Leadership PAC is paying for his legal bills, as well as Rudy Guiliani’s and several others. I’m pretty sure that’s not allowed with the type of PAC it is, so, I’m expecting some campaign finance charges to drop next year on top of everything else. BUT — this isn’t my political blog, so I’ll stop there.
The oldest just bought himself a car. It was a fun experience going to the dealer and helping him navigate the process. The dealership’s finance lady was pretty impressed with him and how well he understood the loan terms. She said Mom and Dad had done a good job preparing him for this.
The middle is doing so well, and taking care of her new baby, Sabel the leopard gecko. Sabel is about a year old now, and just the cutest lil grand-gecko a momma could ever want. My Insta is full of photos of her and my pupper, Peanut.
The youngest is almost done with his community college. When he graduates with an associate in business leadership next spring, he will be the first in my lil branch of the family to graduate any sort of college. He’s planning to transfer to a larger, Christian college and become a youth minister. I’m super proud of him, and also a bit nervous, as he will be the first to actually leave the home.
Hubs is doing well. Still in the same gig. He’s been through the wringer with me, and there is no way I could get through this life without him.
Well… that’s about it. I don’t really have a closer here. I just needed to get some stuff out and hopefully get past this funk I’ve been in the last few weeks or so.