unmotivated.

Ok.  So I have my lists.  I know what needs to be done.  I just don’t wanna.

My Brat is in control. She is the one who has me doing endless laps around the house because we just don’t feel like *doing* anything.  She is the one who has me reaching for yet another Reeces Peanut Butter egg, just because it’s there.

I need to be doing housework, catching up on the paperwork (read: bills) around here, prepping my kitchen for paint because I am so tired of looking at it in it’s half-done state.  Yet I consistently find myself on Myspace, checking out videos on YouTube, or just aimlessly surfing the web, not accomplishing anything, but wasting so much precious time.

And time is precious.  My father’s death taught me that.  Dad’s death has me contemplating a lot lately. So many people showed up to my Dad’s viewing and funeral.  He touched so many lives in tremendous ways.  How many people have I touched?  What is my legacy?  How will I be remembered? A geek with her face glued to the computer?  A loving mother, devoted spouse, and sometimes conflicted woman? I want to be even just half the person my dad was.  I miss him dreadfully.  The last time I saw him, was when he left for work the morning we moved.  I hugged him goodbye.  I hang on to that moment.

For the moment, it seems all I am capable of doing is wrapping myself in his NYGiants sweatshirt, and wasting time.  And that’s OK.  But I could really use a bit of motivation to do something.  Anything.

1 thought on “unmotivated.

  1. I so hear you…I am a young Mum of 2 children and I feel exactly the same way on so many occasions. I waste so much precious time. I know I shouldn’t be doing it. I just don’t have to “oomph” to get back into life, into important things.

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Kat's Arbitrary Thought Processes