We don't *do* Halloween

The reasons abound.

There is that whole “origins of evil” thing. I mean, most people know that the holiday has roots in the ancient Irish customs of the Druids back in Ireland, lo, those many, many centuries ago.

Many people know that costumes began as an attempt to fool the roaming dead spirits from stealing their bodies ala Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Some people even know that the custom of trick or treating began with the ancient Irish people placing bowls of food on their doorsteps to distract the body-snatching spirits from coming into their homes while they – the people, not the spirits – were asleep. You have to dig really deep to find out that Jack-O-Lanterns began as the result of an old Irish legend about a dude named Jack who was so bad, not even Hell would accept him when he died. He was cursed to roam the Earth with nothing but a candle in a rotted, hollowed-out potato. When the Irish came to America during the potato famine, pumpkins were more readily available to be carved, thus today’s Jack-O-Lantern.

If you’re really bright, you may even know that the Catholic Church tried to Christian-ize the day many centuries ago. Awesomely good job they did, huh? They did try though. Bowls of food were changed to “Soul-cakes” handed to the poor beggars. The day was changed to All Hallows Day, a day to honor the saints of the church. But those stubborn Irish refused to give up their traditions, instead celebrating it the night before, calling it All Hallow’s Eve, hence “Halloween.”

But set aside the whole “origins of evil” thing, and the moral objections I have to celebrating evil, and there are still several good reasons why we don’t *do* Halloween.

The biggest reason – the scare factor. My kids are 5, 3, and the baby is a couple months shy of 2 years old. All the skulls, gravestones, and whatnot scare the crap out of my baby. Literally. I haven’t been able to take the baby with me to the store in weeks. I mean, really, think about it. How many of us spend our days trying to shield our kids from death and gore? How many people do not let their small child watch the evening news, because they may be reports of death & rape, and blood & gore on the screen? Yet for some reason, on Halloween night, and the even days leading up to it, it is suddenly OK to expose that same child that you love, shelter, and struggle to protect their innocence, to all the horrors of death and mayhem. Studies show that Halloween is more detrimental to a child’s psychological well-being then parents realize. So tell me, why should I participate in something that scares the crap outta my baby?

Going along with the scare factor, is the handing out of candy. We will not be handing out candy this year. Two main reason for this. Firstly, the above mentioned scare factor. Why, if all the blood and gore associated with Halloween & present in most of today’s costumes scares my kids, why in the name of all things holy would I invite every last gory, bloody, creepy thing to my doorstep? Why should I reward other people’s kids for participating in an event that I morally disagree with? Second, it’s way too expensive. We did hand out candy last year, mostly because we bowed to neighborhood pressure. I’m sorry, but have you seen the cost of candy? Even those ginormous bags of crap you would never dream of eating can be pricey. Last year, we spent over $100 in candy. It lasted a whopping 15 minutes. Seriously. Dude. That’s $100+ that could be going toward our new house. So… Nope. We are not handing out candy this year. And possibly not ever again.

I can not tell you how many people have said, “OK, fine. Don’t hand out candy, but at least take your kids trick-or-treating!” Um, no. Maybe it’s just me, I mean, does anyone else see the irony in the whole trick-or-treating thing?

Hey Johnny, don’t talk to strangers. And never, ever take candy from a stranger. Now here’s a bag, go to every door you see and say “trick or treat” then take their candy.

Yea… that’s not a conflicting message there. Now I understand, many people get around this by only allowing their children to T&T at friend’s and known acquaintances’ houses. But in this neighborhood, children who you have never seen before, and will never see again show up, and form a steady stream to your doorway. No joke, I think I knew maybe 5% of the kids who appeared at my house last year.

Then there is the whole “gimme candy or I do something nasty to you or your house” bit. I mean seriously, is this what I want to teach my children? Right after Halloween is Christmas, when we attempt to teach kids that to give is better than to receive. Is it any wonder so many get caught up in the gimmie-gimmies? Then there is the forgotten holiday, Thanksgiving. Sandwiched between Halloween and it’s “Gimmie candy!” and Christmas and it’s “Gimmie presents!” is the holiday when we are supposed to give thanks for the bountiful life we have. Thanksgiving seems to get completely lost in the shuffle.

And another thing. If I’m not at all pleased with the plethora of all things gory & evil on this night, why in the great wide world would I send my kids out to walk amongst that which scares the ever-loving crap right outta them?

So…. yea. We don’t do Halloween.

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