Kat's Arbitrary Thought Processes

My son’s psychologist diagnosed me after observing and talking to me for more than an hour. It was a bit of a shock at first, but it made my whole childhood suddenly make so much more sense. A great feeling of relief washed over me. I’m not a weirdo; I’ve got Asperger’s Syndrome. …

*EDIT (2023): since Many Hats Mommy has disappeared from the net over the years, I found my post on the wayback machine:

“It’s what I have. Not who I am. It does not define me. I define me.”

Jenny asked me to write about my experiences as an adult with Asperger’s, and how it affects my daily life.  It’s incredibly hard to do so, because I’ve never known life without Asperger’s Syndrome.  First time I ever heard about Asperger’s Syndrome was about 5 years ago when a colleague brought it up.  Even then, it wasn’t until I began doing research to help my son, also diagnosed with AS, that I really learned what Asperger’s Syndrome is.

My son’s psychologist diagnosed me after observing and talking to me for more than an hour.  It was a bit of a shock at first, but it made my whole childhood suddenly make so much more sense. A great feeling of relief washed over me.  I’m not a weirdo; I’ve got Asperger’s Syndrome.

Honestly, if you met me on the street, you wouldn’t even notice my Aspie-ness.  If you hung out with me long enough, I might seem to be rude at times; when I don’t know how to keep a conversation going, or even how to end one.  The way I close my eyes when I talk might throw some people off, but it’s just my way of shutting down the visual stimuli so I can concentrate on what words I want to say.

I am one of those rare women who absolutely hates shopping – too many people.  Crowds wear me out to the point of needing a nap. When my husband was in the US Navy, I had a panic attack the first time he returned home from a deployment and we met the boat at the dock. So. Many. People! It was a nightmare! The next time, my kids and I stayed in the parking lot, and had a grand time with a good friend and her kids while we waited.  For date nights, I much prefer to order carry-out and watch a video at home then go out to dinner and movie. Even having company over makes me gaze longingly at my bed, wishing I could just collapse for a while. I am very much a homebody.

Those who I’ve met online may find this shocking, but unless I’m very comfortable with a situation and the people involved, I don’t talk much.  If I keep quiet then I reduce my chances of sticking my foot in my mouth.  I’m very vocal online though. I’d guess that about 95% of the people I talk to on a daily basis are people I’ve never physically met, and I’m O.K. with that.  I prefer online communication – probably because there is no body language or voice inflection to figure out.

Speaking of communication, I love to quote movies and songs.  Actually, my whole family does.  Dinners at my mom’s house with my sisters are so fun. Between the three of us, we can carry on hour-long conversations that consist of nothing but movie quotes.  We’d even argue over verbiage if one of thought the other had quoted wrong.  Used to drive my parents nuts! Now I see my own kids doing the same thing and I understand my childhood family dinners in a whole new light.  (My youngest sister is also an ADD Aspie. My middle sister refuses to acknowledge the evidence, but my mom thinks maybe she is too.)

Too much stimuli drives me batty.  I often have trouble focusing when there is too much noise or too much to look at.  That’s why I close my eyes when I talk, and it’s why I use headphones and an MP3 player to drown out the world around me when I need to focus on a task, be it paying the bills, writing, or even mowing the lawn.  Music keeps me moving, keeps my thoughts flowing, and helps me to shut off the rest of the distractions so I can focus better.

But the best thing about being an adult with Asperger’s Syndrome – I understand what my kids are going through, because I’ve been there.