Kat's Arbitrary Thought Processes

Zoolander was a better movie then Wanted.  If you haven’t seen the film yet and want to, lower your expectations for the movie dramatically and stop reading.  Spoilers will follow. You have been warned.

For those who want to know,

The previews for Wanted made it look like an awesome action flick.  Then, when it hit theaters, friends & relations gushed about how awesome it was. When it hit Netflix, it’s been on a “long wait” status forever.  Clearly ALOT of people wanted to see it.

I was expecting an action flick.

I got a 90 minutes of nonsense wrapped around about 10 minutes of a decent fight scene.  At least with Zoolander, you went into the flick expecting something stupid funny, and you got it.

The whole curving the bullet thing was absolutely stupid. But ok, I’ll give you that one.

The jumping the car over to shoot through the sunroof.  Yea. Right.

But the one thing that really just pushed this flick over the edge into absolute stupidity:  the Loom of Fate.   That’s right, this ultra-cool super-awesome group of assassins known as the Fraternity takes it’s orders from a piece of linen.  Supposedly there is some sort of code in the Looms missed stitches, though only head guy Sloan is allowed to read it.

Ooo…  I’m such a badass, I take my orders from a bedsheet. Puh-leeze.

Oh! and the twist!  Let’s not forget the twist to this movie.  Seems Sloan has been lying to the Fraternity.  Wesley was recruited to kill Cross, the man who he was told had killed his father.  But, it turns out that Cross was Wesley’s father, & Cross found out that Sloan’s name had come up on the Loom of Doom.  Sloan’s response to this revelation, “Yes, it did, but so did yours, & yours, & yours.” He says while handing pieces of papers with each team member’s name on it.  Pieces of paper that Sloan wrote up.  Why do any of them believe him?

Oh and to Fox, Angelina’s character – two words.  Duck woman!!!  See, Sloan gives the Fraternity a choice. Kill themselves as those papers he wrote up say they should, or kill Wesley. Just as the other are set to open fire on Wesley, Fox curves a bullet.  I swear this is the “magic bullet” from the Kennedy assassination because it flies in a complete circle though the temples of every member of the Fraternity, despite the fact that they are all different heights.  And It doesn’t even slow down, until it comes to a stop in Fox’s own head. Yup. she killed herself after throwing the gun to Wesley so he could take out Sloan.  Ugh.

Seriously, I honestly believe the only reason this movie did as well as it did was because of the one scene where you get to see Angelina’s butt.  Ugh.