And really, most of it is of my own making.
I sit here, procrastinating. I have a Lego League Lesson to plan. For today. In like 4 hours. I need a plan. I so don’t want to do this. It has nothing to do with the kids, or the Legos. My anti-social nature seems to have kicked in. I really just want to crawl into bed and sleep for another, oh, say, two or three days. Yea. Like that’s going to happen.
Remember a few weeks ago, when I was feeling all crushed by the weight of the coming season… Then a week later when I changed my perspective… right?
It’s ba-a-ack! That crushing weight on my soul has returned… and it brought a friend. I’ve had problems with headaches for the last three days. and the joint pain… oh the pain. I can not TaeBo first thing in the AM. I know in my head that the exercise would indeed help… but I just can not work my way through the early morning back and hip pain.
I know the headache is more sinus then migraine or tension. I know because all my life I have had an allergy to weather change, as if that makes sense. when the air pressure outside drops (or rises), my ears and nose get all blocked up, resulting in either massive sinus headaches, or sore throat and hacking cough. At this point, I’ll take the very treatable, over in a few hour headaches over the season-long hacking cough.
The hip and back pain… well. I’m pretty sure that’s early on-set osteoarthritis. I have yet to get this diagnosed, because the military doctor at our last duty station was one of those, “You’re just too fat” types. I was 175. The more weight I lost, the worse the pain got. Military doctors have made me hate doctors. I really need to give my new civilian doc a shot. The hip pain is often accompanied by knee pain. I usually just say “my knee popped again,” because it’s hard to describe. I can be walking along fine, no pain, and suddenly, out of nowhere, it hurts to put weight on it.
Anyway. Much of this crushing weight on my soul has nothing to do with the pain in my knees, hips, back, and head (although the pain doesn’t help matters). Much of this feeling is pure stress. Stress over the holidays, stress over the coming angeldays, birthdays, anniversaries… Stress over school, and that “I am failing them” feeling. I recently found this article in a Good Housekeeping (only picked it up cuz my kids needed something to cut up for a project). While I do “Smooch Spontaneously” and “Take the cuddle cure” when DH is home, I really need to work on the “lash out less” and “loosen the electronic leash” ones. While I hate tea, I will “put a kettle on” of hot water for yet another cup of hot chocolate. (Personally, I’m not convinced it’s all that stuff in the tea that calms people as much as the act of sipping something from a warm mug.) I often find that “reflecting on what I value” helps me get through periods of depression and anxiety, as seen here, and here, and here, and heck, all over this dang blog.
That said, two of the three things I value most have just walked in the room looking for breakfast, and I have yet to plan that Lego League Lesson, and now it’s due in about 2 and a half hours. Yikes!
So… while I head off to figure out how to do this thing… here’s a video for your viewing pleasure.
[youtube]UdaHCLlBkWU[/youtube]