Alrighty…. there is so much the last few days that I have wanted to blog. Yet with my dh on leave, I have been trying (unsuccessfully) to stay away from the computer. So here’s a few of the topics that have hit me this weekend.
For some reason, and it may be the PMS speaking, but every time I see my baby (DS7months), this wave of emotion just crashes over me. I have found myself standing over his crib more than once with tears in my eyes. He is growing so big so fast. It almost feels like I am missing it all! I’m sure this feeling is heightened by the knowledge that he is my last baby. Don’t get me wrong, I do not for one second regret my tubal. Just that every so often the realization that he is my last baby ever washes over me. I start feeling like he is growing way too fast, before I know it he will be walking and talking and I will be left wondering what happened to my little baby.
My b-i-l & s-i-l were here this weekend. I loved having them over. It is so rare that we get to see members from my dh’s side of the family. The kids had such a blast getting to know their Tia and Tio.
My own angels have been in my mind quite often again. Angel, Mysterie, Sunshine, and Charity are never far from my thoughts these days. Again, it may be the PMS speaking… but as much as I mourn the loss of my DS7mos babyhood, I rejoice that I will not be mourning the loss of another baby. I do not think I could handle another loss, especially knowing now what I know about my body. Anyway, there are always quite alot of deep feelings and thought that accompany my angels, but I just don’t feel that I can go there right now and be able to have a happy day tomorow.
so much more, but I really can’t think any more tonight. I can’t tell you how many times a day I think some deep profound thought, and wish I could get to the computer right then and there to type it all out… I really need to start carrying my notebook (a real notebook, not a notebook computer!) around with me and jot down ideas as they come.