Where is my peace?

Is it any wonder I’m feeling anti-social these days?  AS Chris at CWO points out, even Jesus would withdraw from the crowds to find some quiet time alone with the Father.  Mark 1:35 even says

In the early morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house, and went away to a secluded place, and He was praying there.

So how do I find a quiet place in the midst of these kids?  I have tried getting up earlier and earlier.  You know what happens?  The kids wake up earlier and earlier.  Then they get cranky because they don’t have enough sleep, and I don’t get my quiet time, so I get irritable and frustrated very quickly.

I want peace.  I want quiet.  I crave these things.  The one time of day that I can find peace and quiet seems to be at night, after the kids are in bed.  Only problem is, by then, I’m so exhausted, I can’t think clearly.  By 10pm, I’m so exhausted from the daily routines, my brain shuts down.  How am I supposed to find God’s peace, when body craves sleep?  How am I supposed to find time to just “be still and know” that He is God, when my eye lids won’t stay open?

The answer – I’m not.  Did you see how many times I wrote the word “I” in that last paragraph??  That’s my problem.  “I” can’t do it all alone.  Why do I think I should?  Susanne S over at CWO brings up the point that peace is not found in her Starbucks Cinnamon Dolce, or in my laptop and blogs for that matter.  But rather, true peace is found in focusing on God, and our relationship with Him.  Don’t let the world squeeze Him out of our lives.  Psalm 85:8 says:

I will hear what God the Lord will say;
for He will speak peace to His people,  to His godly ones;
But let them not turn back to folly.

Oh, how often I turn back to my own folly.  I am the worst at keeping up with old friends.  People I just spent every day with when we were stationed in Italy, are nothing more than a few emails here and there now.  Close friends from high school, are not much more than a picture on my MySpace friends list.  Even friends from a year ago, I don’t contact often.  Not because I don’t love these people, or cherish their friendships, but because so often I get swept up in my own day to day life, I forget to send that encouraging note, or post a comment.  Weeks, or even months go by, and then it feels awkward.  Like, “hey!  Remember me??  We were friends once. ”  A true friend understands, and I do have several friends who get it, because they too, get caught up in the kids and the pressures of life.  But how long can we expect that friendship to thrive if we don’t take care of it??  It’s the same with my relationship with God.  Like an unused muscle, my prayer life slowly begins to atrophy.  Reading the Bible everyday should be like getting a daily email from a friend, checking in to see how I’m doing.  He’s there, with me all day, just waiting for me to turn around and look at Him.  He wants to be in my life, why oh why do I ignore Him?  How in the world can I ever teach my children about God, and how to have a solid relationship with Him, if I do not?

Rachel, over at Heart of the Matter,  was asked, “How would you describe what you would like your relationship with God to look like?”  So…  my answer… I would like my relationship with God to be like the one my DH and have.  Now, get your mind out of the gutter, marriage is so much more than *that*.  DH is my best friend, my confidant, my soft place to fall.  He is my help, my encourager, my strength, and my rock.  He is always there for me, no matter what.  Not even an ocean or two or three can prevent him from doing what he does best – love & support me.  That’s what I want my relationship with God to be like.  But all good relationships take time and hard work.  How willing would my husband be to continue to help and support me, if I ignored him the way I so often ignore God?  Our relationship thrives because we make time for each other.  Not, ok, I think I have some quiet time in the evening that we can talk, but taking time, even telling the kids to “Give us a few minutes, Mommy and Daddy are talking.”  Thankfully, God will never turn from me.  He’s there, waiting for me to realize it.  Waiting for me to turn around and run back to Him.  And when I do, there I will find Peace.

Peace I leave with you;  My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you.  Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.  John 14:27 NASB

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