Here I sit.

I just sent my mom and husband out with the kids for the boys’ soccer games.  Here I sit on the couch…  I know this is where I should be this week.  I know from my excursion to practice Thursday afternoon that the car ride would be hell on wheels.  Not to mention trying to maneuver the fields with the crutches, or the hour and a half wait between games, and the moving from one field to the other (even though they are right next to each other).  It’s just going to be too much.  (Foot surgery was last Tuesday)

I wrote up a cheat sheet for my mom, stuff like when BigBoy’s game starts, and when GeekBoy has to get off the playground and get his cleats on for his game, and a list of players and things to identify them so she will know which name to call out.  I told my hubby too, but he had this glazed look in his eye this morning…  So I’m not entirely sure how much sank in.  (To be fair, I know he had a lot on his mind this morning, and it didn’t help that I woke him up at like 530am or something because I was in pain and had to turn on a light to find the bathroom.  Sry babe!)

I feel…  sad, broken hearted…  I so want to be there.  I want to see my BigBoy get his first medal (today is his “team party”)…  I don’t want to miss even one of my sons’ games.  But I know…  I know if I went today it would set me back.

After I had Diva, when I was torn between my baby in the NICU and my toddler (GeekBoy) at my mom’s house who missed me dreadfully.  My mom told me, “Sometimes you have to pick the one that *needs* you over the one that *wants* you.”  She was referring to my kids, but I can apply it here.  The mom in me *wants* to be there, the body I live in *needs* me to stay home.  If I don’t take care of the body I live in, the mom in me will find herself in a much worse position later down the road.  Choosing the one that needs me over the one that wants me.

So I sit on the couch, and I pray.  I pray my kids will behave.  I pray that Diva doesn’t have a snit on the field today.  I pray the boys do well in their games.  I pray my oldest doesn’t wander off as he is prone to do.  I pray GeekBoy’s team wins, because that would be awesome for Gramma & Daddy to see him win.

It hurts, but I know this is what’s best for me right now.  Next week I won’t have this luxury.  Next week DH will be working and mom won’t be here.  Next week I’ll have to drive them myself.  But by next week, I shouldn’t be so sore.  Next week I will do what I have to.  This week, I will put my foot up and pop a few more Tylenol and pray.

1 thought on “Here I sit.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Kat's Arbitrary Thought Processes